Dream Crushers, Man

I know I’ve been on this cheesy, insufferable kick about following your dreams, becoming the person you know you can be, running through a field of sunflowers, eating pudding first and all those other instagram clichés…

But life man, it’s been good lately.

So, to the poor sir who attempted to sway me in my career path yesterday – consider this my public apology.

Unlike yourself, I realize I was way off base.

I wish I had something significant and heartfelt to tell you.  Something that acknowledged your attempt to be forewarning, but also justified my urging desire to tell that bus you’ve been driving through kid’s dreams to eff off.  But all I can seem to conjure up is a damn hashtag, and that would only aid in your statement that us “youngsters” don’t think things through.

And you’re right.

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Cap’s list of 25 things. (Circa 2009)

Because if I thought about how hard life was going to be trying to get a job as a writer, I’d probably decide to get the guarantee in publicity and off myself right before something really phenomenal made it through publishing.

Think Bradley Nowell from Sublime or John Kennedy Toole (author of Confederacy of Dunces)

That would be easier than this unnerving feeling – this rushing flow of emotions that consumes you right when things in life finally start to bloom. 

Because that shit is scary. 

What if you’re wrong? What if this isn’t what you thought you wanted?  What if everyone (stranger included) was right?  

I think we experience this rush of fear because we aren’t used to seeing things through. We’re accustomed to adjusting our goals and falling trap to the larger, pessimistic norm in society.  People have taught us to dream big, but they never expected we would. 

I know I’ll be broke. I know ramen noodles will be #lyfe. I realize 600 square feet could be cashed in for a mansion on a farm.  But I don’t think about those things. I have an end game in mind and however I get there works. 

With the exception of turning full on Julia Roberts in “Pretty Woman”.  (NYC isn’t even worth those safety pin boots)

I’m sorry for laughing when you offered me a job in technical writing. I realize a job is better than my current options, but you caught me on good day, Sir.  You caught me on the one day when my lifelong dreams were actually coming to fruition, and the ability to throw you under the dream crusher bus just felt too good.

So if you ask me what I go to school for, and I answer you directly.  If you ask me what I want to write, and I respond with specifics.  If you ask me my plan, and I respond passionately.  Don’t be offended when my snide rejection feels like a direct kick in the gut.

It was meant to. Lastly, for the sake of all that is good and holy   (aka JEANNIE) – don’t tell me how hard my life is going to be.

It’s been hard. This is the good part. 

 -Cap

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