The Thoughts She Thinks: A late new year proposal

I know it’s almost February, but I’m still getting my Christmas movie fix in… So just bare that in mind when I use a Love Actually reference in…

Three

Two

One

👉 If you believe in the film Love Actually, you believe love is all around… which is a pretty sweet concept.  But sometimes – it doesn’t feel like that.  Sometimes you feel alone, and you feel completely separate from everyone, and you think you’re weird, and you think you’re a little too into that whole GIRLS series, and you think the fact you relate to the whack jobs makes you whack, and you really, truly think two-thirds of your friends have wondered why they chose you… because now they’re stuck with you.

Basically, without love you begin to question every aspect of yourself that you once had total faith in.

And I don’t just mean love from someone else.. I mean the hard stuff.

Love for yourself.

GIRlS 3

But when you feel that kind of real love.  That kind of …

I know you, and I still love you love.

When you really know that you can be yourself (puppy rap and all), that you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, and you can wear yoga pants even if you don’t plan on working out all day, and you can cry over the disease you don’t have but think you do, and you can bitch about needing to lose weight while you order an Iced Venti Green Tea Latte with Soy and a Vanilla Bean Scone, and you can span through your mind the thousands of possible life scenarios like:

What if I decide I don’t like water?

What if one day I forget how to use my ears?

What if I get in a car crash, suffer from severe memory loss, go into a drug induced coma, and wake up a republican?

What if Ryan Gosling and Joseph Gordon Levitt both confess their love for me on the same day… WHO WOULD I CHOOSE?!

What if people laughed at my dances moves??

Oh wait….

IMG_0412

You see, that’s the tricking thing about love.  IT’S REALLY EFFING ANNOYING.

And impossible to live without.

For me, falling in love with others is easy. I can almost love by default. I can love someone so much that I learn how to conveniently distort their true selves in my mind. I can look over your shitty-ness and your naivety, and I can totally see the good in you. I can act like legit, life changing events didn’t go down… Just because I’d rather us all go along being happy. (I still haven’t discovered whether this is a flaw or value)

When it comes to me, though…When I have to freaking like who I am – you’d think Hitler had just asked me to be the birth mother of the next race obliterator.

Which only aids in the frustration.

I don’t mean to group everyone together on this… But I will. Why are we like this? Why can we accept the flaws in others, but not ourselves? I realize this is considered narcissistic, but shouldn’t we love ourselves more than that?

***Insert real life story that corresponds with new life goal here 👇***

I was going through old moleskin notepads and came across something my sister said to me once.

Yea, I take notes on awesome things amazing people say to me. What of it?

Leah and I were walking around a H&M and I was bitching about my ass being huge or something along those lines when she said…

“Why do women sit around and talk about how fat they are? That’s not conversation.”

She’s pretty perfect and kick ass all around… So, the fact that she’s also crazy smart makes her frustratingly beautiful.

But really…

Why did I think that was ok? Why do any of us? No man would ever tell me they were frustrated with their side boob.. Or the way spandex clings to their ass. But how annoying would it be if they did?! I hate to get all feminist here, but I can’t help but think that I need to hone this shit down if I ever expect to be the next Anthony Bourdain. I mean, no ones going to trust a skinny bitch’s opinion about good food anyway. (ie: Giada De Laurentiis)

So.. Here’s to dropping that.

Here’s to seeing the beauty in every little flaw.

Here’s to fighting the urge to make the same “weight loss/healthy living” resolution the rest of the world makes.

Well, let me be truthful…

Here’s to more pistachio ice cream and less guilt.

-Cap

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s