People always tell you the sky’s the limit. I’m starting to think that notion is pretty terrifying. Dreaming is fun, but every once in a while you realize your dreams have remained dreams for too long.
That’s where I am now.
Truman Capote said:
“It’s better to look at the sky than live there. Such an empty place; so vague. Just a country where the thunder goes and things disappear.”
I get that now. Who knew a romance like Breakfast at Tiffany’s had so much relevant truth?
Sometimes I wonder if “reaching for the sky” is just a ploy to convince us to work diligently with false hope.
You know, like one of those pyramid business schemes.
It’s like an info commercial is narrating my life. “Keep going”, it says. “Don’t give up, that’s right… sell another. Invest all of your savings. Go ahead, DIVE IN! THE PINK CADILLAC LEVEL IS NEAR.”
But you never reach the top of the stupid pyramid. Instead, you’re lost somewhere amongst the steep steps to success.
The only thing that makes this track feel differently, is that I actually believe in it.
The only faith I have is knowing that reaching towards something is more fun than having no aspirations. Maybe there will never be a day when they stop being dreams. Maybe I’ll live a life constantly wanting more – like the wild things Capote talked about.
But I don’t mind being a wild thing.
Living in the emptiness of the sky is rough. Still, I’d rather know what the sky feels like. I’d rather go through the failures, the pain, the feeling of complete loneliness than live a life thinking the sky was different.
Chasing after what I want hasn’t been what I wanted. I’ve wanted to give up everyday. I’ve felt inadequate, I’ve felt like a shitty writer, I thought I had no vision… the list is endless.
But I still value all of those feelings.
I value wanting to give up, because it makes the not giving up feel even wilder.