Five Things Every Basic Bitch Should Know

Dear Basic Bitches:

Here are a few things you may find helpful in the future.  And when I use the pronoun you, I mean more specifically me.

1. No matter what anyone says, you do not look like Reese Witherspoon, and her bangs will never work for your face.

reese

2. Sure snaps are over in 10 seconds, but no one forgets the shit you snapped when you were drunk.  Especially that rap solo where you thought you sounded a little bit like Kanye.  TRUST ME.

Processed with VSCOcam with g3 preset

3. Just because you have a massive ass doesn’t give you the right to shake it every time Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass” comes on, and the fact that you find that song empowering is depressing. #rockonmeghan #bigbootiehoes

meghan trainor

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