Dear Basic Bitches:
Here are a few things you may find helpful in the future. And when I use the pronoun you, I mean more specifically me.
1. No matter what anyone says, you do not look like Reese Witherspoon, and her bangs will never work for your face.
2. Sure snaps are over in 10 seconds, but no one forgets the shit you snapped when you were drunk. Especially that rap solo where you thought you sounded a little bit like Kanye. TRUST ME.
3. Just because you have a massive ass doesn’t give you the right to shake it every time Meghan Trainor’s “All About That Bass” comes on, and the fact that you find that song empowering is depressing. #rockonmeghan #bigbootiehoes
5. And finally, you are not Pocahontas. Stop thinking feathers and arrows are appropriate body art! But by all means… Don’t forgo the feathers for some dumb line about not sinking, or an infinity tat, or a crazy mix of all the above.
If any of these ring true… maybe you are basic. Maybe you’re the best at it. But it’s time we focused on the silver lining, and that is the very simple fact that none of us (hopefully) have convinced ourselves that this waxed surf board look should catch on…
Southern Wild 