Funny that as I get older I am somehow completely aware of the people in my life and utterly unaware of the thoughts they possess of me. Normally, I would see that as a good thing, but lately I’m learning that this world is all too small. And more importantly… I’m realizing my mother is an active member in social media. And people on social media have a lot of opinions.
My mother is great. Sincerely. She is the reason I love Elton John, Beatrix Potter, reading, writing, and that horrible show, SNAPPED. She’s taught me to draw. She’s showed me the crazy, healing powers of snuggling. She lets me completely space out of the world for months at a time, and yet.. She’s still there patiently waiting when I return to society. She let’s me be me.
Isn’t that a fucking beautiful thing?!
But see… There lies the problem. Mom taught me better than all of this. And yet, she’s still forced to watch me behave poorly. How awkward to grow into adulthood with the whole world watching! How terrifying to grow up with your mother seeing your lack of standardized, life achievements broadcasted on social media streams. Life as a 2014 young adult is brutal.
Take me to DOWNTON!
But seriously, this post was meant to be deeper than this. I wanted to explain the beauty in being true to yourself, but of course.. I’ve turned it around to an overtly, disgusting, public plea for a mother’s acceptance of her daughter’s awkward years. I wish I would have experienced this with the rest of the world… You know, at age 16 or what have you. But I was too caught up in wacky church groups.
So, to all of you seeking your next accomplishment to boast about over likes and shares… Cool your jets, man!
My mom can see you overachieving!
I often feel like my desires in life are so far from the norm I see on media sites. I don’t find the quest to fulfill every standard life goal appealing. Those posts of pregnancy, house hunting and children make my palms sweat and my heart crumble. I want to unfollow you. I want to throw you a curve ball! I want to understand these people I’m surrounded by, but I feel like I know you all… Because I know one. Sometimes I wish I wanted those things as well. People say that comes with time, but I feel like I’m centuries from that. We aren’t meant to follow a predestined path, right?! We are meant to fail, we are meant to succeed…when we deserve it, and we are meant to be completely lost at times. At least I hope so.
You see, life isn’t a formula. It either comes barreling through all at once, or it’s nothing at all. We can’t judge our standards based on a norm, because these norms are so sensationalized. I feel like I’m in a constant battle with the hyper real, and that’s really something to fear. How can we discover ourselves if we are surrounded by all of these crazy notions of normalcy? I’m learning the art of blissful unawareness. The art of letting go.
So yes, the social media depiction of your life looks epic… but the personal experiences, growth, learning, memories, mistakes, laughter and tears…. That’s what we’re all after right? We’re still kind of all in this together. No matter our paths. I can support you, but I can’t be you. I can’t pretend that we want the same things. Life isn’t something we come about in a particular manner. It’s about learning how to make it through as yourself.